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  • Jill Lawson

A Costco-Sized Can of Whoop-Ass Won't Help Against Energy Vampires

Updated: Nov 1, 2019

Well, here is my sarcastic mind at work. I've taken my previously published article on a ride. Enjoy.


Energy Vampires


This three-part meditation is all about protecting yourself from energy vampires. These are the people who draw attention to themselves by bitching about their problems rather than taking responsibility for their actions.


Imagine this scenario:


You walk into a room, whether it is the grocery store, a cocktail party, or your workplace, and some drama king or queen is talking loudly. He or she is rambling on about how victimized they feel from life’s challenges; like the screaming baby they heard in Walmart, or the nitwit waiter who forgot to leave the onions off their burger. This person is animated, drawing attention to every word, move, and expression, and you can’t help but want to open up a Costco-sized can of whoop-ass on them. But when you get your feathers ruffled by such vampires, it is your precious energy that escapes. You must preserve yourself whenever you happen to be around these troubled souls.


Practice the following meditation to avoid losing your energy to a vampire.


Part One


For this meditation to be effective, you must be grounded in your own badassery. Feel both feet planted firmly on the ground. Imagine roots traveling out each toe and through your heel, descending into the Earth. Allow yourself to have a solid connection to the planet, and take your place with confidence.


Part Two


Create an energy boundary. Visualize a screen, bubble, or shield protecting your sanity. Imagine the negativity of a nearby vampire bouncing off your protective coating. Whenever you feel like a ray of despair has crossed the line, thicken the walls of your boundary. Keep practicing until you feel unaffected by the crazy lad or lass who won’t shut up.


Part Three


Now that you’re grounded and have a shield to protect you, it’s time to shed some light on the energy vampire. Understand that these people are hungry for healing, which is why they crave your energy. Bring the image of a ball of light to your heart. Shine this light toward the person in need, even if it means having to think of them for a minute longer than you’d like. See the light singe their anxiety and calm their spirit. If it helps you, see it singe their eyebrows, too.


Use this meditation to protect yourself, but continue to be aware. Since misery loves company, you must watch out for whiners in large groups. A mass of vampires may just work you over, and that is something I can’t help you with. All I can say is keep good company, and when you see or hear a vampire, practice this meditation to keep you clear of their energy-sucking insanity.